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Introverts, such as INFJs, have a natural inclination to retreat and recharge their energy by spending time alone. However, many other factors may cause an INFJ to suddenly disappear from someone’s life.
In this article, we will explore the 11 unexpected reasons why an INFJ may silently withdraw and vanish from relationships without warning or explanation.
But before we start, it is essential to note that the disappearance may or may not be permanent. It depends on the reasons for withdrawing.
1. INFJs feel the relationship is too transactional.
INFJs are idealistic in everything, including their relationships. We have a deep desire for authenticity, intimacy, and meaningful connection in our friendships and relationships. When we see that a connection is becoming too business-like and transactional, we may choose to withdraw and end the relationship.
For example, if our friends only talk about their work and nothing else, or all they do is ask us for business leads and contacts, we may start distancing ourselves from them.
2. INFJs experience a lack of mutual interest in the relationship.
INFJs need to feel a mutual interest in the relationship. However, we often end up in unrequited love because of our deeply intuitive understanding and empathy. If we don’t sense any reciprocity, we may feel disappointed and will often end the relationship before getting ourselves hurt.
We may also become emotionally drained if the conversation isn’t balanced. If someone only talks about themselves or seems uninterested in what we have to say, chances are we won’t stick around the conversation for long.
3. INFJs need time to process their thoughts and emotions.
INFJs are sensitive people who process their thoughts and emotions deeply. We often need time away from people for introspection and to do internal work. So we may disappear for a while to figure out our feelings and come up with insights or a plan of action.
It is important to note that this time alone doesn’t necessarily mean that the INFJ is withdrawing from the relationship. We may just need to take a step back in order to have some clarity.
4. INFJs feel the relationship has served its purpose.
Unlike ISFJ and ESFJ who tend to be more sentimental, INFJs are intuitive and forward-looking. If we feel like a relationship has served its purpose and is time to move on, we may not take the time and effort to maintain the relationship anymore.
This often happens when relationships are based on circumstances, such as being in the same company, school, or interest group. However, as situations change, like working in different places or pursuing different life paths, we may naturally drift apart from the other person. It is important to note that this doesn’t necessarily mean we have any negative feelings toward our friends. We remain open to reconnecting, but we may become less proactive in maintaining the relationship.
5. INFJs feel that you bring too much unnecessary drama into their life.
INFJs seek peace and harmony. Despite our empathetic nature and desire to support our friends, we may distance ourselves from a relationship if they continuously complain and vent their grievances to us. This is particularly true when we envision a better path to enhance their lives, yet they remain unwilling to heed our advice.
Remember that INFJs are highly intuitive. We can easily pick up on underlying issues that those close to us may be unaware of. So it is frustrating to see someone stuck in a vicious cycle and not wanting to change.
In such cases, it is important to remember that INFJs are not abandoning you. We are just protecting our own mental health and boundaries, allowing you to find your own solutions.
6. INFJs feel that you demand too much of their time.
INFJs enjoy engaging in meaningful conversations and delving into deep topics with their friends. We don’t enjoy surface-level interactions as much. While we don’t mind going out occasionally to do something, spending the majority of our time on trivial matters or mundane activities can be draining for us.
We prefer investing our time in dreaming up a vision and working towards our ideal aspirations rather than engaging in shopping or dining experiences. Constantly requesting us to participate in activities we find uninteresting may cause us to withdraw from the relationship. If we feel obligated to meet up with you or unsure how to turn you down, we may choose to distance ourselves.
7. INFJs feel hurt but they don’t wish to tell you.
INFJs are sensitive. We may be hurt by something you said or did. For instance, you might come across as overly direct, excessively critical, or failing to take our opinions into account.
However, because of our conflict-avoidant nature, we tend to avoid communication and resolution. Instead, we may withdraw and heal our emotional wounds in solitude. We are aware that we can be overly sensitive and that you didn’t mean any harm. However, it is challenging for us to pretend to be friendly or act as if nothing is wrong while feeling hurt.
We don’t enjoy being detached and cold to others, but at the same time, we don’t want you to feel bad about what you did. So the best way is to withdraw for some time and reappear when we are ready to meet you.
8. INFJs feel unwanted and insignificant in your life.
INFJs secretly desire to be needed. This is especially true for INFJs struggling with low self-esteem and codependency. We want to feel that we are of significance in your life and that you need us as a friend, partner, parent, or child.
If we feel like you don’t need us for anything anymore, or if it seems like you have moved on with your life without us being part of it, we will slowly disappear from your life. This is how we deal with the emotional pain of feeling unwanted and rejected.
If you are an INFJ who is struggling with this, you may want to read my book on Reconnect to Love. In the book, I share how I overcome my feelings of rejection and insignificance.
9. INFJs have decided that this relationship is not going to work.
INFJs don’t usually shut other people out of their lives. We may be passive in maintaining relationships but when our friends contact us, we will reply. We won’t ghost them.
However, there are instances when we realize that a particular relationship is not going to work. We may choose to distance ourselves because we are tired of trying to make it work and nothing seems to change. We don’t want to sever ties, but at the same time, we don’t know what else to do or say anymore.
INFJs don’t arrive at this decision easily. It typically involves extensive contemplation and careful consideration. We probably have already given you many chances to change, but you didn’t. So, we give up.
10. INFJs feel overwhelmed by too much stimulation.
Most INFJs are highly sensitive people (HSPs) too. We get overwhelmed easily when exposed to too much stimulation. This could be anything from attending social events that are too crowded, being bombarded by loud noises, or having too many people around us.
When we start feeling overwhelmed, this will lead to us needing some alone time and eventually withdrawing from others. This is how INFJs recharge their energy and restore inner peace and balance.
We don’t mean to shut people out during these times, but it’s a necessary form of self-care for us. We need a break from the noise and energy of the outside world, so we can reconnect with our inner selves.
11. Sometimes, INFJs just want to be alone without any reason.
INFJs thrive when left alone. We feel the most connected with ourselves when we are alone. We may seem like social butterflies at times because we love meeting new people and exploring different perspectives.
However, we tend to prioritize the needs of others when we are in their presence. It is only by being alone and free from external influence that we can truly understand what we desire. Sometimes, there isn’t any specific reason why we disappear from the world other than to be with ourselves.
Final Thoughts
It can be hard to understand why INFJs withdraw at times. It can be even more perplexing when we show up in your life again as though nothing has happened. But hopefully, this article has shed some light on why we do it.
In some cases, INFJs may begin by withdrawing from others, then slowly evolve into ghosting and ultimately choosing to permanently cut people out of their lives. To learn more about this topic, please read my article on INFJ door slam.
Featured Photo Credit: Rafael Barros
