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The INFJ personality type is rare, making an INFJ-INFJ pairing even more uncommon.
Many INFJs go their entire lives without meeting another INFJ, much less entering into a relationship with one.
However, if you’re fortunate enough to find another INFJ, this guide will help you understand and navigate the complexities of an INFJ-INFJ relationship. But first, let’s delve into the compatibility of INFJs and what makes these connections so special.
Is INFJ compatible with another INFJ?
With the same cognitive functions, INFJs are naturally compatible with each other. However, when two INFJs first meet, it can be somewhat awkward. This is because INFJs, accustomed to feeling different from others, might find it unusual to meet someone who mirrors their traits so closely. Both being introverted, they may take time to warm up to each other, leading to polite but cautious exchanges at first.
But this dynamic changes dramatically when the conversation shifts to topics they are both passionate about, such as humanitarian issues or personal growth. These discussions can last for hours, as both individuals feel energized rather than drained diving deep into subjects close to their hearts. This is due to their shared dominant function, Introverted Intuition (Ni), and shared auxiliary function, Extraverted Feeling (Fe).
The flow of conversation also feels effortless like reuniting with a long-lost friend. As both are great listeners and compassionate, they create a nurturing space for each other to express themselves without fear of judgment or rejection.
Such deep and meaningful interactions are a rarity for INFJs, who often find themselves feeling misunderstood or unable to have significant conversations with other personality types. This makes an INFJ-INFJ pairing one of the most emotionally supportive relationships.
Potential Challenges in INFJ-INFJ Relationships
Despite their natural compatibility, INFJs can still face challenges in an INFJ-INFJ relationship. One potential issue is that both individuals may struggle with initiating and making decisions, as they tend to value harmony and avoid conflict. This can lead to a lack of direction in the relationship or difficulty in resolving conflicts.
Also, there might be a lack of diversity and little room for personal growth in an INFJ-INFJ relationship. As both individuals share similar perspectives and thought processes, they may have the same blindspots and struggle to challenge each other’s beliefs and behaviors. Even when disagreements arise, they may have a hard time seeing things from a different point of view due to their Ni stubbornness.
INFJs enjoy sharing their insights with others but at the same time, are sensitive to criticism. This dynamic can make relationships between INFJs particularly frustrating! While you aim to provide your partner or friend constructive feedback for growth, they often take it the wrong way and feel hurt or defensive. This situation will lead to an internal conflict between your Ni (Introverted Intuition) and Fe (Extraverted Feeling), as you struggle to balance your desire to help with your aversion to causing distress.
Read this article to learn how to take criticism as an INFJ.
INFJ and INFJ Romantic Relationship Compatibility
Dating another INFJ can seem like a dream come true, as both individuals will have an intuitive understanding of each other’s needs and feelings. They can create a deep emotional connection based on shared values and beliefs, making for a highly fulfilling and intimate relationship. It is like having a romantic relationship with your soulmate.
However, this seemingly ideal relationship can also present its challenges, especially in a marriage. As both individuals are idealistic and imaginative, they may neglect practical matters and have difficulty dealing with day-to-day responsibilities. This can create tension and strain in the relationship, as one person may end up taking on most of the responsibility while feeling resentful towards their partner.
Communication can also be a potential hurdle for INFJ-INFJ couples. While they may understand each other’s unspoken thoughts and emotions, they may struggle to communicate openly and directly about their needs and concerns. This can lead to misunderstandings and unmet expectations, causing frustration and disappointment.
Over time, a relationship with an INFJ partner can also hinder personal development and growth within the relationship. While having a partner who understands you deeply is comforting, it also eliminates the necessity for you to articulate your needs or even fully understand them yourself. Due to INFJ’s empathy and agreeable nature, your partner may hide their true feelings or desires to avoid conflict. This behavior can prevent authentic connections and intimacy.
Despite the obstacles, INFJ-INFJ relationships have the potential for a deep and meaningful connection. With healthy communication and a willingness to address conflicts and practical responsibilities, these two individuals can support each other’s personal development and create a harmonious partnership.
Read this article to learn how to be authentic in relationships without avoiding conflicts.
INFJ and INFJ Friendship Compatibility
Seeking emotional and intellectual stimulation? A friendship between two INFJs could be your ideal match. Known for their introverted nature, INFJs prefer deep, meaningful connections over countless superficial ones. Their intuitive and empathetic qualities enable them to grasp each other’s thoughts and emotions effortlessly, often without words. This unique understanding allows INFJs to explore topics deeply, bypassing unnecessary small talk.
In a friendship between two INFJs, there is also an unspoken understanding and acceptance of one another’s quirks and idiosyncrasies. Both individuals are empathetic and caring, making them excellent listeners for each other. They can support each other through difficult times without judgment or criticism.
However, just like in romantic relationships, INFJs may struggle with addressing conflicts openly in their friendships. Due to their agreeable nature, they may avoid confrontation and instead internalize their feelings, leading to passive-aggressive behavior.
One of the biggest challenges in an INFJ-INFJ friendship is the tendency to retreat into their own private worlds. Both individuals may struggle with initiating plans or reaching out to the other, leading to periods of silence and distance in the friendship. Also, the reluctance to take the lead or make quick decisions can lead to a passive and indecisive dynamic. For example, selecting a dining spot or choosing an activity becomes burdensome when both individuals avoid decision-making. Consequently, the relationship or interaction gradually diminishes.
On a positive note, being a friend with another INFJ can help you understand yourself better. Through observing and interacting with a like-minded individual, you may discover new insights about your own personality and behavior. This can foster personal growth and self-awareness, leading to more fulfilling friendships.
6 Tips for Nurturing a Healthy INFJ-INFJ Relationship
1. Communicate Openly and Honestly
The key to a strong INFJ-INFJ relationship is the ability to communicate openly. Although both may naturally shy away from confrontation, setting a foundation of honest communication can prevent misunderstandings and foster a deeper connection. Encourage one another to share thoughts and feelings openly, particularly when discussing difficult subjects or potential conflicts.
This also means you have to manage your own sensitivity. As INFJs, we can be highly sensitive to criticism and may struggle with receiving feedback. However, to encourage open communication, it is important to be open to receiving feedback too. In a healthy relationship, both individuals will feel comfortable expressing their thoughts and concerns without fear of hurting the other’s feelings.
This is particularly true for an INFJ because when we can’t express our Ni-driven insights, we feel stifled like we’re not being true to ourselves. So it’s important to create a safe space for open and honest communication in an INFJ-INFJ relationship.
2. Set Boundaries and Respect Individual Needs
Despite having similar personalities, it’s important to remember that every individual is unique and has their own needs and boundaries. As an INFJ, you may have a strong desire for deep emotional connection and understanding, but your partner may need more space and alone time to recharge. Respect each other’s boundaries and communicate openly about your individual needs.
It is also important to set boundaries within the relationship. As highly empathetic individuals, INFJs can easily absorb the energy of others like an empath, which can lead to feeling overwhelmed or burned out. Make sure to communicate your boundaries and take time for self-care to avoid any feelings of resentment or being drained by the relationship.
3. Embrace Differences and Compromise
While INFJs may have many similarities, there will also be differences in interests, beliefs, and values within the relationship. Embrace these differences and use them as opportunities to learn from each other.
Especially when two INFJs have clashing Ni-driven insights, both individuals may be stubborn in their own views. This may result in conflicts or misunderstandings. In these situations, it is important to compromise and find a middle ground that works for both parties.
Instead of trying to prove who is “right,” focus on understanding each other’s perspectives and finding a mutually beneficial solution. Being open-minded and willing to see things from your partner’s perspective can strengthen the bond between two INFJs.
4. Encourage Growth and Personal Development
As individuals, INFJs have a strong desire for personal growth and self-improvement. In a relationship with another INFJ, it is also important to encourage and support each other’s individual journeys. This can mean pursuing separate hobbies or interests, attending workshops or seminars together, or simply having open and honest conversations about personal growth.
Having another INFJ validate your experiences and personality traits can be comforting, but it is crucial not to reinforce each other’s insecurities, weaknesses, and blind spots. it is important to challenge each other and push each other towards growth.
Also, don’t rely solely on your partner for emotional support and growth. Each INFJ needs to take responsibility for their personal development and learn to be their own source of strength and guidance. In a healthy INFJ-INFJ relationship, both individuals will feel empowered and motivated to continue evolving and becoming the best versions of themselves.
5. Take Initiative and Make Decisions
In a relationship between two INFJs, there is a common tendency to hesitate or overthink decisions. This can lead to stagnation. Often, each partner might find themselves waiting for the other to initiate action and take the lead.
It is crucial for both individuals to actively participate in decision-making, from the mundane daily choices to the significant, life-changing ones. This approach not only propels the relationship forward but also fosters a sense of partnership and equality.
A practical strategy is to have open discussions about responsibilities and alternating plans for activities. For example, one INFJ can take charge of household chores while the other can handle financial decisions. Alternatively, you could take turns planning date nights or weekend getaways.
By sharing leadership and decision-making roles, both individuals feel valued and involved in the relationship. Furthermore, communicating in advance can prevent potential conflicts or feelings of resentment.
6. Maintain a Sense of Fun and Adventure
While INFJs may be known for their introspective nature, it is important to not get too caught up in serious conversations and deep thoughts all the time. It is essential to take breaks from deep discussions and embrace light-hearted moments of fun and adventure.
For example, do some Extraverted Sensing (Se) activities such as trying out a new restaurant or going on spontaneous road trips. These experiences not only add excitement to the relationship but also allow both partners to come out of their comfort zones and see different perspectives.
Moreover, INFJs can use their intuitive nature to plan unique and meaningful surprises for each other. This could be anything from a special date night to planning an adventure trip together. Keeping things fresh and exciting can help maintain a strong bond and create lasting memories for the relationship.
INFJ-INFJ Relationship Q&A
1. Can two INFJs be in a romantic relationship?
Absolutely, two INFJs can forge a deeply fulfilling and mutually understanding romantic relationship. It really depends on what you are looking for. If you are looking for emotional and intellectual connection, and value deep conversations and shared values, then an INFJ-INFJ relationship may be ideal for you.
However, if you seek growth and variety within a relationship, it could be more advantageous to partner with someone whose cognitive functions complement your own. They can introduce new perspectives and stimulate your thought process, enriching the relationship.
2. What happens when an INFJ meets another INFJ?
Meeting a fellow INFJ for the first time can be quite an awkward experience. INFJs are known for their ability to read people and understand them deeply. However, when two INFJs meet, this skill leads to an intriguing situation where both individuals are silently observing each other.
Initially, both INFJs might act cautious and reserved, maintaining politeness while keeping their distance. However, once a topic that resonates with both of them is discovered, the conversation can suddenly become very deep and engaging.
But the deepening of this connection hinges on how aligned their Ni-driven insights about the world are. Even though INFJs have the same cognitive functions, it doesn’t mean they will have the same views. It depends on what they have gone through and how it has shaped their perspectives. This means that two INFJs might not always form a close friendship.
Interestingly, INFJs are more likely to meet each other online based on their interests rather than in person. So this digital context changes the dynamics of the initial meeting. Online interactions allow them to bypass the awkwardness of formal introductions and dive straight into more meaningful discussions.
3. Do two INFJs make a good couple?
Two INFJs can make a good couple due to their shared cognitive functions and deep understanding of each other’s emotions. However, this doesn’t mean that the relationship is perfect and without challenge.
Being someone who is highly idealistic, INFJs must guard against placing their partner on an unrealistic pedestal. Despite many similarities, don’t expect your partner to understand or meet all your needs. Such high expectations can lead to disappointment in INFJ-INFJ relationships. Embracing vulnerability and learning to express oneself while also satisfying one’s own needs is essential for any relationship. You have to do your part.
Final Thoughts
Having a fellow INFJ as your partner can be incredibly fulfilling and nurturing. But like any relationship, it requires work, understanding, and growth from both parties. We cannot be overly dependent on our partners to fulfill all our emotional needs.
Read this article on how to be a healthy INFJ if you need help with personal growth.
