Disclosure: There might be affiliate links on this page. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. This means I will earn a commission if you decide to make a purchase through my links but it will be at no additional cost to you.
The INFJ-INTJ relationship is sometimes described as a “golden pair” due to their shared intuitive function.
Both types enjoy exploring abstract theories and have profound insights to share. This can make them great intellectual companions.
However, are INFJ and INTJ really a golden pair or is it just a myth?
In this guide, we will explore the compatibility between these two types and offer insights for a successful and fulfilling partnership.
Is INTJ compatible with INFJ?
INTJ and INFJ are compatible as they share the same dominant function, Introverted Intuition (Ni), and inferior function, Extraverted Sensing (Se). This means that both types have a similar way of perceiving information and share a desire for depth and meaning in their relationships.
INTJ is the only personality type, besides INFJ, that leads with Ni as its dominant function. Introverted Intuition (Ni) is a complex function that others may find difficult to understand. Yet this forms the core of both INTJ and INFJ’s deep thinking and abstract perspectives. This mutual understanding creates a strong foundation for their relationship.
Additionally, INTJs are known for their logical and analytical minds, which complement INFJ’s empathetic and compassionate nature. This balance can bring new perspectives to problem-solving and decision-making.
However, while there is a strong foundation for compatibility between these two types, it also depends on individual characteristics and personal growth. INTJ’s auxiliary function, Extraverted Thinking (Te) can sometimes clash with INFJ’s auxiliary function, Extraverted Feeling (Fe). Te can come across as cold and critical to Fe, while Fe may be seen as overly emotional and irrational to Te. This can result in misunderstandings and conflicts which we will discuss further in the following section.
Explore the key differences between INFJ and INTJ personalities by reading this article.
Potential Challenges in INFJ-INTJ Relationships
Despite the natural affinity between INTJ and INFJ personalities, potential challenges might arise due to their differences in processing emotions and communicating.
Fe vs Te: Clashing Communication Style
One significant challenge INFJ and INTJ couples may encounter is the way they communicate, stemming from their auxiliary functions: INFJ’s Extraverted Feeling (Fe) and INTJ’s Extraverted Thinking (Te).
INFJs, with Fe, are naturally attuned to the emotions of those around them and express themselves in a compassionate, empathetic manner. They prioritize harmony in their relationships and can sometimes compromise their own needs to maintain this balance.
In contrast, INTJs, operating with Te, approach situations with a logical and efficient mindset. They value clear, direct communication and might inadvertently overlook the emotional nuances important to an INFJ.
This divergence in communication styles can lead to misunderstandings. INFJs may perceive INTJs as detached or insensitive, while INTJs might view INFJs as overly sensitive or irrational.
However, this issue diminishes when INFJs develop their tertiary function, Introverted Thinking (Ti). For example, as an INFJ, I find myself becoming less offended by the INTJ’s direct communication as I grow. I also come to appreciate their logical reasoning.
Similarly, INTJs can learn to be more mindful of the emotional impact of their words and actions on their INFJ partner. This understanding fosters a stronger relationship between INTJ and INFJ personalities by bridging the gap between logic and emotion.
Read this article to find out how you can use MBTI for your personal growth.
Fe vs Fi: Different Way of Processing Emotions
The main issue many INFJs have with the INFJ-INTJ relationship is the noticeable lack of emotional intimacy and connection. Despite sharing a deep intellectual bond and engaging in many profound discussions, INFJs often struggle to connect emotionally with their INTJ partners.
With their auxiliary function, Extraverted Feeling (Fe), INFJs typically exhibit greater emotional expressiveness compared to INTJs. Despite their private nature, INFJs frequently open up about their feelings to those they are close to and expect them to do the same. This is how they develop a deep emotional connection with others.
On the other hand, INTJs’ tertiary function Introverted Feeling (Fi) is more internalized. They process their emotions internally and tend to keep them to themselves unless they trust the person enough. Also, as the third function for INTJs, it is less developed and preferred. INTJs might find it challenging to trust others, and experiencing vulnerability can be particularly uncomfortable for them.
But this doesn’t mean that INTJs are cold and emotionless. They may appear harsh on the outside (due to their Te function) but feel deeply inside (due to their Fi function). They just don’t feel comfortable sharing their feelings with others. Understanding this will prevent unnecessary misunderstandings between the two types.
INFJ and INTJ Romantic Relationship Compatibility
Initially, INFJs and INTJs may find each other intriguing and intellectually stimulating. They share a similar love for deep conversations, analyzing ideas, and discussing abstract theories. Yet, each personality type offers a unique perspective and approach to problem-solving, which can be exciting for both partners.
INFJs offer a profound understanding of people. Their empathetic nature can help INTJs navigate complex social situations and understand others’ emotions better. On the other hand, INTJs contribute their analytical and strategic thinking skills. They can help INFJs find practical solutions to their problems and provide a logical perspective. Both personality types admire each other and can learn a lot from one another.
However, as the relationship progresses, INFJs may start feeling frustrated with INTJs’ lack of emotional expression. At the heart of what INFJs seek in a romantic partnership is a profound emotional bond with their partner. When INFJs attempt to establish this connection repeatedly without any reciprocal emotional depth from INTJs, they might perceive the relationship as lacking substance or dry. This can lead to feelings of loneliness and disconnection. Over time, without this emotional fulfillment, INFJs may feel compelled to leave the relationship, feeling unloved and neglected.
On the other hand, INTJs may feel overwhelmed or uncomfortable with INFJs’ strong emotional intensity. As rational thinkers, they tend to focus on objective facts and logic rather than subjective emotions. They may struggle to understand or validate their partner’s feelings, leading to misunderstandings and conflicts in the relationship. They may also find it difficult to see the INFJ’s point of view when it comes to decision-making, as INFJs tend to prioritize group harmony over practicality.
Moreover, INTJs may focus a lot on their work and personal goals, which can sometimes cause them to neglect their romantic relationship. INFJs, on the other hand, may prioritize their partner’s needs and emotions over their own, leading to potential imbalances in the relationship.
INFJ and INTJ Friendship Compatibility
INFJ and INTJ may be more suitable as friends than romantic partners, due to their complementary strengths and lack of emotional connection. As friends, they can support and inspire each other with their unique perspectives and insights. INFJs can help INTJs tap into their emotional side and understand the impact of their actions on others, while INTJs can assist INFJs in grounding their ideas with practicality and logic.
Additionally, both types share a deep desire for personal growth and self-discovery. They may bond over their mutual interest in self-improvement, discussing abstract theories and ideas, and engaging in intellectual conversations.
However, similarly to the INFJ-INFJ dynamic, their stubborn Ni-driven insights may clash. For example, they may have a different view on spirituality. INFJs are more open to accepting spiritual ideas and possibilities such as twin flames and soulmates, or at least entertain them. INTJs, on the other hand, tend to be more skeptical or dismissive of such concepts. They tend to stick with factual evidence and may struggle to understand the INFJ’s belief system.
To INFJs, INTJs’ skepticism and reliance on science can appear detached and dismissive. Conversely, INTJs might find INFJs’ spiritual beliefs to be ungrounded and illogical. If not properly addressed, this disparity in viewpoints can cause friction and create a rift in their friendship.
Despite their potential disparity, one thing in common is both personality types don’t accept things at face value. They both have a tendency to question everything and seek their own truths. Sharing their insights and findings with each other can help them broaden their perspectives and deepen their understanding of the world.
Overall, an INFJ-INTJ friendship can be a dynamic and fulfilling one. They may have different approaches to life, but they share a mutual admiration for each other’s intellect, depth, and desire for growth. By understanding and respecting each other’s differences, they can build a strong and enriching bond that can last a lifetime.
5 Tips for Nurturing a Healthy INFJ-INTJ Relationship
1. Understanding and Respecting Different Communication Styles
The first hurdle for INFJ-INTJ relationships is often communication. INFJs may find INTJs too blunt and direct, while INTJs may perceive INFJs as being too sensitive or emotional. For the relationship to work, both parties need to recognize and respect each other’s communication styles.
INFJs mustn’t take INTJs’ directness to heart. Instead, they can benefit from the straightforwardness of INTJs, learning valuable lessons on setting boundaries and embracing direct communication.
On the other hand, INTJs can learn to be more mindful of their tone and delivery when expressing their thoughts and opinions to avoid hurting the sensitive INFJ. Communication isn’t just a one-way street. To effectively convey a message to INFJs, INTJs must tailor their communication in a way that INFJs can receive. Otherwise, their words may get lost in translation and cause misunderstandings.
2. Lower Your Idealistic Expectations
Both INFJs and INTJs possess idealistic tendencies. However, INFJs often exhibit a more starry-eyed outlook on love and relationships. INTJs tend to be more practical. Even though they have high standards for people, they also know that finding a perfect partner is unrealistic.
When INFJs and INTJs come together, both must manage their expectations. INFJs must realize that no matter how much an INTJ opens up to them, it will still not reach the level of emotional bonding they desire. INFJs will either have to seek this emotional connection from friends and family or take time to meet their emotional needs on their own.
On the other hand, INTJs cannot assume INFJs to be always direct and independent. Even though INFJs value authenticity, they often soften their words to avoid conflict or hurting others. Being indirect doesn’t always mean inauthentic. It is just a difference in communication style, and INTJs may have to probe deeper to understand INFJs’ true intentions.
Also, INFJs may be independent and value alone time like the INTJs. INFJs have a greater desire for intimacy and connection in their relationships. There is a need for bonding and time together. INTJs must be supportive of this need and not dismiss it as clingy or needy. They must meet INFJs halfway, otherwise, INFJs may feel dissatisfied and unfulfilled in the relationship.
Overall, lowering idealistic expectations can help both INFJs and INTJs find a balance in their relationship and appreciate each other’s strengths and weaknesses.
Read this article if you are an INFJ struggling to be authentic without avoiding conflict.
3. Don’t Neglect the Inferior Function, Extraverted Sensing (Se)
For both INFJs and INTJs, extraverted sensing (Se) is their inferior function. Though not dominant in their personality, it plays a crucial role in how they experience the world around them. Neglecting this function can lead to a disconnect from the present moment and an overemphasis on future possibilities.
For overthinkers like INFJs and INTJs, engaging with the world through their senses is not just a distraction but a pathway to richness in life. Engaging in physical activities together can help INFJs and INTJs bond and connect with their Se function. Going for walks, trying new adventures, or simply spending time outdoors can bring a sense of grounding and balance to their relationship.
If the INFJ and INTJ live together, it’s important to divide the household tasks equally or hire someone to do them. Both INFJs and INTJs don’t enjoy doing mundane tasks and may struggle to keep up with them. As both types live in their heads most of the time, their home can get messy very quickly.
If either party feels like they are carrying the burden of household chores, it can also lead to resentment and strain in the relationship. By sharing these tasks and finding joy in them, INFJs and INTJs can tap into their Se function and find a sense of harmony within their home.
4. Cultivate Mutual Interests
While INFJs and INTJs may have different communication styles and expectations, there are still plenty of things they can bond over. Both types are known for their intellectual curiosity and love for learning. They can engage in deep conversations about a variety of topics, from philosophy to science to art.
As both INFJs and INTJs have a strong desire for personal growth and self-improvement, they can attend workshops or seminars together to learn something new. This not only allows them to spend quality time together but also helps them grow as individuals.
Additionally, INFJs and INTJs can also explore hobbies and interests that they both enjoy. This could include activities like reading, painting, hiking, or even traveling to new places. Both INFJs and INTJs enjoy being alone so much that they may not initiate these activities However, by finding common ground and engaging in these shared interests, INFJs and INTJs can strengthen their bond and create new memories together.
5. Be Patient With Each Other
Lastly, cultivating patience and understanding is essential for navigating the complexities of an INFJ-INTJ relationship.
INFJs need to realize that INTJs take a longer time to process their emotions. It may take them a while to open up and express their feelings, but it doesn’t mean they don’t care. Don’t rush them and allow them the time they need to process their thoughts.
On the other hand, INTJs must understand that INFJs tend to be more emotional and sensitive. They may need to be patient with INFJs’ tendency to overthink and analyze everything. INFJs may misinterpret INTJs’ actions and feel hurt without telling them, so it is essential for INTJs to check in with their INFJ partners occasionally.
Final Thoughts
So is the INFJ-INTJ relationship a golden pair or not? Probably not.
But despite the difference in communication and emotional needs, the INFJ-INTJ relationship can be incredibly rewarding for both individuals. With mutual respect, trust, and patience, this dynamic duo can create a strong bond that lasts a lifetime.
